erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
