Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
