I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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