i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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