He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
