you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she smelled like a LAN party
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
