If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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