I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
