I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry about my life...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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