Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
