saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
