drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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