I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
