There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
