he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
