Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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