I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
