Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
