just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
