Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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