this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We are two peas in an std pod
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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