I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
