If that was your dad, he is hot
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will be naked everywhere
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
