How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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