im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
