hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
