Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
