I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
