I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
