one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize