But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this will be a night to untag.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
