I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
