You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
