I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
