So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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