operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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