I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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