Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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