I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
