The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
