Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
