Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
