i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize