I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
