Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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