meet me or not, i'm out of control
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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