Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
