He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
