My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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