The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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