Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
