Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
