I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
