Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize