All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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