I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
