I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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