hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
