I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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