My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
