she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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