if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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