The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
