so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
