We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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