my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize