i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
