chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why do cheetos always look like penises
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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