I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
