PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
