I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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