I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize