please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
